TSAR (Tri-State Auto Rally) held a Div 30 duel on Saturday, Feb 1, 2053.

After a long winter hiatus, the marauders of mayhem were eager to get back in the swing of things.

The Division 30 event was played in the HUD, with 14 degree sloped ramps and no restrictions on dropped weapons. Standard AADA rules applied.

Players in attendance included: Eric Freeman, David “Teflon Cobra” McGee, Bryon Gray, and Curt Lindmark.

Here’s our report from the pits

Curt: Brute Force: Mid-sized, Ext Hvy chassis, Hvy suspension, 150 CID with Turbo and super charger, 5 gallon dueling tank, driver only, 4 solid radial tires. BTC’d junk dropper with sand ammo front, pairs of ice and point defense dischargers right and left, FE, roll cage, 8 bumper triggers, ramplate, HD Shocks, weapon timer to junk dropper set for two phases, 5 links, snow tires, spoiler/airdam, 2 10 pt wheel hubs front, 2 10 pt wheel guards back. 195 pts armor including 115 pt ramplate. Component armor around driver, engine, junk dropper, gas tank, driver wears body armor, FP suit and carries a FPE. $29790, 5,758 lbs. Accel 20, top speed 82.5, HC 4/5(@60).

Dave: Flashpoint: Compact with C/A frame, Hvy chassis, Hvy suspension, 100 CID with turbo and tubes, 5 gallon economy tank, driver only, 4 HD slicks. Turreted HMG with extra mag, all incend ammo, FOJ rear, 4 pyrophoric oil dischargers, 4 flame cloud dischargers, 2 smoke dischargers. Anti-lock brakes, bumper triggers, HD Brakes, HD Shocks, HRSWC, spoiler/airdam, 2 10 pt wheel guards back, 4 10 pt wheel hubs. 37 metal, 72 plastic. $30,000, 4,439 lbs. Accel 10, top speed 70, HC 5/6(@60).

Eric: SlamBang: Sedan, gas engine, driver only, 4 tires. Ramplate, laser weapon right, 5 rocket weapons right, spoiler/airdam, 8 dischargers, 2 wheel guards back, 2 wheelhubs front, one wheel hub back right. [See Editor’s Note].

Bryon: The Madhatter: Sloped Compact with C/A frame, Ext Hvy chassis, Hvy suspension, 150 CID with tubes and VP Turbo, driver only, 2 PR Radials front, 2 HD Steel-belted radials back. Heavy Vulcan Machine Gun left [See Editor’s Other Note], 2 flaming oil dischargers left, 1 flaming oil discharger right. Fake ramplate, HRSWC, 2 10 pt wheel guards back, 4 10 pt wheel hubs. 20 metal, 128 plastic. $29,922.90, 4,439 lbs. Accel 15, top speed 85, HC 4.

And now on to the action:

With only four motor-city madmen in the HUD, they were spread out over the 8 gates, with Eric at Gate 3, Dave at Gate 1, Curt at Gate 2 and Bryon at Gate 4.

Each car shot out of the gate, turning marginally towards a neighbor while building up speed. In the eastern half, Curt and Bryon were lining up on each other, while in the western half, Eric and Dave started battling for victory.

As Curt and Bryon hurtle towards each other in a high-speed game of chicken, Bryon bears slightly to the right, and Curt grins evilly at the thought of T-boning Bryon into the middle of next week. Bryon shocks the crowd with a point-blank BTC’d shot from a Heavy Vulcan Machine Gun on his left side, directed right at Curt’s front left tire! Fortunately for Curt, Bryon misses. Accelerating to maximum, Bryon tries to gain distance, but is tagged at the last second in a 82.5 MPH T-bone collision, and his C/A frame crumples under the pressure. Bryon’s driver is turned into so much chunky salsa, and with only 4 seconds on the clock, Curt (and Bryon) are on the board! (+40 pts Curt, -40 pts Bryon).

Meanwhile, Dave and Eric are circling in a wide right turn, with Eric using Dave for target practice with his targeting laser, looking to maximize his chances when he finally decides to blow Dave off the board. As they approach the outer wall, Dave hits Eric’s tire with a stream of lead as he drops what looks innocently enough as paint. As Eric nonchalantly drives through it, our thermographic cameras at arena-side show the tell-tale signs of flaming oil underneath the paint. Based on the split-second timing, it could only have been the pyrophoric oil everyone has been talking about. At a whopping 95 mph, Eric loses control and rolls. Because of the tight quarters, he sideswipes the wall with his front armor as he rear-ends Dave with his right side!

Thanks to the complexity of Eric’s design, Dave faces a whole host of problems. From the collision, Eric’s bumper trigger detonates a pair of dischargers, ice and point defense grenade! Being on slicks, Dave faces three back-to-back hazards that send him all the way to the edge of control….twice. Through a series of events that can only be described as miraculous, Dave managed to maintain control. He is also accelerated up to 80 mph from the collision and conformed out of the way to be pointing straight at a wall!

Dave drills the brakes to slow to 60 and squeezes in enough turning to just miss the wall.

As Eric continues to roll past him, Dave has numerous opportunities to shoot, and finally removes a tire. During the roll, Eric loses a second tire. This results in a mobility kill for Dave (+20 Dave, -20 Eric). As Eric completes his roll, he winds up in the corner with his weapons facing the wall, and is ruled a completed kill by Dave (+20 Dave, -20 Eric).

Meanwhile, Curt comes screaming around from the other side of the arena, with one kill tucked under his belt and looking for another one. He takes a turn a bit too wide, and Dave is able to turn his back on Curt, forcing Curt to trail after him, with lead being slung at him again and again. Curt jinks to one side, then the other, always careful to keep his side facing Dave. Dave opts for another path down the same road he was in with Eric, while Curt opts to drive up onto the central platform and back down.

As the two approach again, Curt cuts to the inside first, leaving the slower Dave little room to run. Dave opts for the head-on ram, accelerating in the hopes of causing so much damage, that Curt’s ramplate will not protect him this second time.

Sadly for Dave, he is wrong.

At a obliterating meeting of 142.5 mph, Curt’s ramplate is depleted to less than 10% of its pre-combat status, and Dave, with his C/A frame, receives an ungodly 290 pts of damage! While Curt was slightly dazed from this collision, his low resultant speed and high initial handling carried him thru to the winner’s circle.

Final standings are:

Curt 1st 82 Full kill (Bryon), full kill (Dave), survived

Dave 2nd 0 Full kill (Eric), killed (Curt)

Eric 3rd -38 Killed (Dave), survived

Bryon 4th -40 Killed (Curt)

[Editor’s Note: Freeman Motor Autoworks very closely guards its design schematics.]

[Editor’s Other Note: It was not determined until during combat that the MadHatter was mounting a Heavy Vulcan Machine Gun to the left. The visual schematic available incorrectly labeled it as front mounted, and it passed inspection. Thankfully, the incorrect placement did not adversely affect the game. Steps have already been taken to see to it that this does not happen in the future.]

[Editor’s Other Other Note: At roughly 9 AM, EST, Saturday, Feb 1, 2003, the Space Shuttle Colombia broke up during re-entry high in the sky over Texas.

Seven brave explorers of the final frontier lost their lives, not to crime, not to terrorism, not to an act of passion, but through a tragic accident.

This marks the second space shuttle lost in the service of the exploration of space.

On behalf of TSAR, our thoughts and prayers go out to the families of those fallen.

May we mourn our dead, learn from our mistakes, and never stop reaching for the stars.

To the crew of STS 107: Rick Husband, Michael Anderson, David Brown, Kalpana Chawla, Laurel Clark, William McCool and Ilan Ramon, God bless.]